i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
