He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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