hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
either way he was missing a nipple.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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