hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
