You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
