In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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