Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
