is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize