dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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