I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
