We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
