Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
