i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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