I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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