You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
