Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
