I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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