just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
