census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
