I think I died a long time ago.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
