Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
