That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
