So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
NoShamevember. You game?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
