apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
me + whiskey = a bad person
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