I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
