Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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