I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
