Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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