Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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