I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
