I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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