Hey man sorry I got all grabby
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
