even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
