Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
