She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
