if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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