Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes