how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?