there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship