Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
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You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
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Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.