She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
