Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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