This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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