I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
