my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Randomize
