I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
