I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
