I'm lost and stupid without you.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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