did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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