PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
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Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
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I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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