i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
