you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
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He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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