you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
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