If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I need a beard to bite.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
