Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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