I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
