Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
