Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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