just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
