Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You can't just leave with hair like that
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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