just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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