she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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