I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
