So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
