saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
