absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
